I am a fibromyalgia sufferer, or should I say, warrior. This disease runs into all body systems that has fibrous tissue; that is muscle, tendons, ligaments. Think about that for a minute and point out to me where in the body you don't find this tissue. It is brutal and reduces a person's life to almost a reclusive existence of pain, chronic fatigue, body system malfunction and despair. It's 24/7, no holidays, no time off for good behaviour, no parole and currently no cure. It is a life sentence and a prison in which a person becomes bound. I don't have many answers right now for this but I am writing this blog as a sort of therapy for myself and maybe, hopefully, to find answers and as a light on the path for someone else.
Even though I have lived this since my teens and am now in my 50's and much of my life has been limited by it, I do believe in a living caring Father in Heaven and that He does have a plan and a purpose for each of us. I don't know why God sends what He does into anyone's life. I don't know why I have been denied so much in this life because of this disease. But I do know I am not alone in suffering. I know that there are many hidden people, crippled people, rejected people who despite giving their all are deep in a pit of despair, loneliness, fear. I don't know what God needs each of us to do to make things better but I do know we need to do something.
I felt God wanted me to write a blog as therapy for myself. It won't be a place that I am trying to achieve anything on a public stage although I hope it may help someone else., it will be just what each day brings into my life as I struggle with this disease. The obstacles the disease sets and those put there by others who cannot comprehend that suffering doesn't always have a name, a support group, a cure. By putting this out there i am looking for answers for myself and hope to be able to see more clearly what I am meant to gain from this. I am going to be honest and for the first time really allow you, whoever you are, to read what life inside a sick body is like. Not for pity but for knowledge. Because I am not the only one trapped by this or similar diseases out there. I would like my experience to shed light on these diseases. I would like to play a small part in making the world a kinder, happier place. There will be no judgement in my posting on how I feel or how others react towards me. I hope to just write it as it is.
If you read and get something from it, just say Amen and maybe share with another. Because what is very clear to me after years of struggling alone is that we cannot do this alone. We cannot walk through this Valley of the shadow of death without friends, comforters, supporters, fellow cripples and lepers. Not only can we not do this, but we are commanded not to. The adversary is strongest when we are alone. He digs deep into our shame, guilt, fear and every other negative emotion and eats away all vestiges of light and truth.
So if you want, come with me daily in a walk through my rose garden. At times it may make you wince, cry and hopefully laugh. My father had a rose garden and those roses had thorns, they had pests and bloomed and withered all too soon. But yet planting and tending his flowers was always a joy for my father; a coal miner who spent most of his working life buried deep in the earth. He knew to be whole we need to be in the presence of the sun, tending growing things, struggling to overcome that which would do harm to our small gardens.
Unlike the song, I think that each and everyone of us was promised a rose garden by God, with thorns, blooms and all. And it would be exactly what we needed.
No comments:
Post a Comment